WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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