I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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