If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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