I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
