Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
