I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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