we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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