be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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