Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
