I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
