My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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