you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
