I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
