Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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