i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
