"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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