Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
