Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
