Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
