two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
