when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
