Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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