My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
