Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
