The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you had me at cake vodka
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
