im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
