I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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