Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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