u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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