Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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