Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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