I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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