I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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