Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
