3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
