STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
