I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
