I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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