I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
