I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You dont lie about slip and slides
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
