Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
