she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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