hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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