Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
