Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The struggles of a small town man whore
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
