What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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