Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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