he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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