I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
