I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
