if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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